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  Understanding Engineers 
 
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Radomir Jordanovic Apr 13, 2006, 09:58am EDT Reply - Quote - Report Abuse
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Understanding Engineers - Take One

Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said,
"Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday,
minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

Understanding Engineers - Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.


Understanding Engineers - Take Three

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, "What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"

The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."

He said, "Hello, George! what's wrong with that group ahead of us?
They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire
fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group fell silent for a moment.

The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for
them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist
colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

Understanding Engineers - Take Four

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers - Take Five

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Understanding Engineers - Take Six

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer.
Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area ?"

Understanding Engineers - Take Seven

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

Understanding Engineers - Take Eight

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
Princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."

Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into
his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."


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_MD_ Apr 13, 2006, 10:13am EDT Reply - Quote - Report Abuse
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Edited: Apr 13, 2006, 10:14am EDT

 
>> Re: Understanding Engineers
;)

ahhh... what would world turn into without us, engineers?!





edit: =)

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Beavis Khan Apr 13, 2006, 10:32am EDT Reply - Quote - Report Abuse
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>> Re: Understanding Engineers
hehehe...great stuff. IANA real engineer, but I'd say most of those apply to us computer dorks as well :)

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- H.L. Mencken
Gerritt Apr 13, 2006, 03:12pm EDT Reply - Quote - Report Abuse
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>> Re: Understanding Engineers
Three statisticians went duck hunting.
A duck flew across.
One shot a meter high.
Another shot a meter low.
The third didn't shoot, but shouted "WE GOT IT!"

Gerritt

Ad Astra Per Aspera
(A rough road leads to the Stars)
We all know what we know, and everyone else knows we are wrong.
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Sean Costello Apr 13, 2006, 03:20pm EDT Reply - Quote - Report Abuse
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>> Re: Understanding Engineers
lmao those are pretty damn funny

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Dr. Peaceful Apr 15, 2006, 02:19am EDT Reply - Quote - Report Abuse
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>> Re: Understanding Engineers
Good stuffs, ha, ha, ha. LOL :-) I love the first one.
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday,
minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

Personally I would take the woman for studying Simple Harmonic Motions. ;)
http://www.physics.uoguelph.ca/tutorials/shm/phase.html

_MD_ Apr 15, 2006, 02:14pm EDT Reply - Quote - Report Abuse
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>> Re: Understanding Engineers
I've heard another one a looong time ago, I'll try to tell it in my own words:

Four computer engineers and four users are on a train. Users have four tickets but engineers have only one. When a conductor comes to check for the tickets, engineers are locking themselves in the washroom and one hand pulls out one ticket. Conductor checks it and leaves.
On the way back users have one ticket, engineers - none. When its time to show the tickets, users are locking themselves in the washroom. Engineers knock on the door, a hand draws one ticket. Engineers grab the ticket and run to another washroom. Users are kicked out of the train.

Conclusion: not every algorithm, developed by engineers is comprehensible by users


LOL =)

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Wejden Hmila May 15, 2006, 06:34am EDT Reply - Quote - Report Abuse
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Edited: May 15, 2006, 06:36am EDT

 
>> Re: Understanding Engineers
the second is the best, the fifth is the most realistic (i'm a mechanical engineer and that question is a reflex for me....)
LOL

Corey Man Jul 12, 2006, 02:44pm EDT Reply - Quote - Report Abuse
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>> Re: Understanding Engineers
lol, funny stuff! I would have to say that I like the last one the best, the pet frog! My wife would say that the third one sound like me.

The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

4th year civil eng. student
only 2 more years to go!

Radomir Jordanovic Jul 12, 2006, 06:31pm EDT Reply - Quote - Report Abuse
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>> Re: Understanding Engineers
Thanks a lot for the great comments. I really like these jokes, and there's no better place to put them but right here. Keep coming back for all new engineer jokes. I really like the joke about the 4 engineers on a train.

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Josh Jul 12, 2006, 07:04pm EDT Reply - Quote - Report Abuse
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>> Re: Understanding Engineers
LOL
I love the golf one ;)

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.
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John Warner Jul 14, 2006, 06:51pm EDT Reply - Quote - Report Abuse
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>> Re: Understanding Engineers
As an engineer myself;

The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

i eps like that one :)


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